One month from today,
the dress rehearsal for
the greatest show will
begin at the International Criminal
Court.
Deputy President William
Ruto will be sitting as a victim
at the International Criminal
Court, watching as his lawyers
demolish the fabricated charges
of murder, persecution and
torture against him. He will test
his Skype account by successfully persuading striking
lecturers, doctors and civil servants to return
to work or be forced to deal directly with President
Uhuru Kenyatta on their own.
At home, Kenyans in one voice will be praying for
him to overcome his trials, knowing it is only a purification
process in preparation for greater service.
Of course, the main show starts on November 12,
when President Kenyatta II will begin to deal with
his personal challenge at the ICC regarding the
numerous lies about murder, rape, persecution and
torture in the post-2007 election crisis.
Accompanied by his aide-de-camp, the President
will receive a red-carpet welcome outside the court,
complete with a military guard of honour. In the
courtroom, he will likely be surrounded by a digital
team of aides on Twitter, Facebook and MySpace
giving him minute-by-minute updates of how Kenya
is doing as his lawyers teach the ICC judges and
other Western imperialists a thing or two about international
criminal law.
Not one to waste a moment, the President is
likely to call for his iPad during court breaks to
greet his people on Skype. Kenya will be riveted on
television the whole time. What better time than
this to send out a message of peace and reconciliation.
In the meantime, the self-starter officials in the
Jubilee Government will be doing great running the
country. County commissioners and other officials
will be cracking down on illegal drugs, knowing
that when the President returns, he will need reports
on how many criminals they have locked up.
Since digital governance abbreviates everything,
decisions and speeches will take a fraction of the
usual time and effort. Online instructions should
be easier to carry out because they come without
the necessity to pose for television cameras. Since
everyone will know that the President is not watching
television, there should be a drastic reduction
in public demonstrations, street-based politics and
other attention-seeking behaviour. Only prayer rallies
praying for peace, unity and a just outcome at
the ICC will be necessary.
Strikers, especially teachers, who have been
distracting the government from the delivery of a
laptop to every Standard One pupil, will be forced
to spend more time learning how to Skype.
From his Twitter handle, the President will personally
supervise the construction of the 50-foot
bronze statue in honour of President Mwai Kibaki
to keep the budget within the limits of credulity. Of
course, the court will have to allow the President
and his deputy to take turns at leading the country
and attending trial.
During this time, civil servants will be receiving
their salaries a month in advance because Kenya
will be rolling in the billions from mineral earth
mining and bathing in crude oil from Turkana. For
example, if a fire breaks out at a major international
airport, there would be live video streaming of the
event and quick action. It would obviate the need
for the President to talk to that odious Barack
Obama about progress in putting out the fire. Regrettably,
the President would have to decline Mr
Obama’s phone calls, telling the receptionist to remind
the caller that choices have consequences.
the dress rehearsal for
the greatest show will
begin at the International Criminal
Court.
Deputy President William
Ruto will be sitting as a victim
at the International Criminal
Court, watching as his lawyers
demolish the fabricated charges
of murder, persecution and
torture against him. He will test
his Skype account by successfully persuading striking
lecturers, doctors and civil servants to return
to work or be forced to deal directly with President
Uhuru Kenyatta on their own.
At home, Kenyans in one voice will be praying for
him to overcome his trials, knowing it is only a purification
process in preparation for greater service.
Of course, the main show starts on November 12,
when President Kenyatta II will begin to deal with
his personal challenge at the ICC regarding the
numerous lies about murder, rape, persecution and
torture in the post-2007 election crisis.
Accompanied by his aide-de-camp, the President
will receive a red-carpet welcome outside the court,
complete with a military guard of honour. In the
courtroom, he will likely be surrounded by a digital
team of aides on Twitter, Facebook and MySpace
giving him minute-by-minute updates of how Kenya
is doing as his lawyers teach the ICC judges and
other Western imperialists a thing or two about international
criminal law.
Not one to waste a moment, the President is
likely to call for his iPad during court breaks to
greet his people on Skype. Kenya will be riveted on
television the whole time. What better time than
this to send out a message of peace and reconciliation.
In the meantime, the self-starter officials in the
Jubilee Government will be doing great running the
country. County commissioners and other officials
will be cracking down on illegal drugs, knowing
that when the President returns, he will need reports
on how many criminals they have locked up.
Since digital governance abbreviates everything,
decisions and speeches will take a fraction of the
usual time and effort. Online instructions should
be easier to carry out because they come without
the necessity to pose for television cameras. Since
everyone will know that the President is not watching
television, there should be a drastic reduction
in public demonstrations, street-based politics and
other attention-seeking behaviour. Only prayer rallies
praying for peace, unity and a just outcome at
the ICC will be necessary.
Strikers, especially teachers, who have been
distracting the government from the delivery of a
laptop to every Standard One pupil, will be forced
to spend more time learning how to Skype.
From his Twitter handle, the President will personally
supervise the construction of the 50-foot
bronze statue in honour of President Mwai Kibaki
to keep the budget within the limits of credulity. Of
course, the court will have to allow the President
and his deputy to take turns at leading the country
and attending trial.
During this time, civil servants will be receiving
their salaries a month in advance because Kenya
will be rolling in the billions from mineral earth
mining and bathing in crude oil from Turkana. For
example, if a fire breaks out at a major international
airport, there would be live video streaming of the
event and quick action. It would obviate the need
for the President to talk to that odious Barack
Obama about progress in putting out the fire. Regrettably,
the President would have to decline Mr
Obama’s phone calls, telling the receptionist to remind
the caller that choices have consequences.
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